Most of you will know that I am reluctant performer. My best friend recently commented that in our 30 years together she had never heard me play the piano. 

I studied piano aged 4-16, then dropped right out of the musical life with a few exceptions while at Burgmann College. 

Terry tried to encourage me, with a Korg and also bongos and congas, which did get a regular workout at Vodka Friday events. But these past 40 years I’ve hardly played at all, except late at night with Lisa and a certain docteur on Charcot a few years back. And that never ended well.

Anywho, our new neighbours have their young sons learning blues piano and a teacher visits each Monday night, so I thought what the heck? He can visit me too. I am bothered that my earlier education focused solely on a classical repertoire but I was keen to transition to jazz and blues and crooner music. So June last year I started paying the poor man to let me torture his ears. Given my travel schedule, it’s not been that regular lately, but each week Nic brings me new sheet music and I sightread until the half-hour is up. Most weeks I didn’t even bother to practise, but this year I decided to step it up and make more of an effort. However playing on the Korg was annoying, so I splurged and bought myself a Roland GP6 digital piano. It’s the babiest grand I’ve ever seen. I could never fit a regular (acoustic) baby grand into my house, but this is full size width and height, but with a third of the depth. 

It was like magic, and I can’t get enough of it. I play every day, often several times. All of a sudden, I need it. Mum and Dad would be so happy, among others.

As you know, earlier in the cruise I got busted playing the piano late at night, and Giuseppe signed me to perform in last night’s talent show. I’m not sure he actually asked me, but no matter. Only two other guests enlisted, and it seems one of those chickened out on the night. The rest of the performances were by crew, but not the professional musicians.

I structured my pre-show drinking so I wouldn’t be too slaughtered by 10pm when I was scheduled to get on stage: two dirty martinis before dinner then champagne with the meal. Then upstairs to play some Philip Glass to get my fingers working. Perrier to hydrate but then I ducked down to the bar to get one last martini to neck just before I was due to go on. But quelle horreur! I was called earlier than I expected and my martini was taken off me as I stepped up to the stage. I might add that there was a gentle 1.5-metre swell which added some risk, so I accepted assistance getting up and down so I didn’t face plant in front of the audience.

Our song was short but sweet. José sang well out of his range for me, but nailed it. 

All the acts were fantastic but two deserve special mention: four of the cadets performed a semi-strip dance to Pony, and the audience erupted. I had originally been on the list to play immediately after them, thank god that got changed! And Francesco the gorgeous Italian singer with the luscious hair performed horse noises with foot stomping, just like horses do. Both were hilarious, and I have managed to source videos for you all. But not yet permission from the individuals to publish so contact me if you want to see them. I can assure you, you do. (Actually Francesco just popped into the hair salon as I write this, and gave me a private whinny!) 

Amazingly, I was dragged up for a curtain call with the crew, so I chose the cadets to hold on to me (for stability of course).

PS I will be reunited with José on Soleal in Australia next month, and he asked me to learn Bohemian Rhapsody! As this is the first cruise there has been a talent show, I’m not sure we will be called to perform, but I shall prepare just in case.